Have you taken the time to step back and look around at the grocery store recently?

A couple of times each year, we visit the store specifically focused on checking out the newest products and the latest trends.  We did our most recent visit last week and, once again, we kept finding ourselves saying,

“Really?!  You’ve got to be kidding me!”

Here is just some of what we found:

Unicorn Poop…yes, you heard right!  According to the package, “Magical horned creatures, giggle-inducing potty talk, and our signature technicolor marshmallows?! Sorry parents – this one’s for the kids.”  Just think of all the creative things you could do with these! Oh, by the way, the ingredients include GLUCOSE-FRUCTOSE SYRUP, SUGAR, WATER, DEXTROSE, GELATIN, NATURAL FLAVOR, YELLOW 5, RED 40 AND BLUE 1…and there is 20 grams of sugar (all added sugar of course) in three pieces.

Doritos Flavored Oreos…remember the day when an Oreo was just a white, sugary cream filling, sandwiched between two chocolate cookies?  Now, you can enjoy your favorite chips in a cookie!  A nacho cheese flavored filling sandwiched between – you guessed it – two nacho cheese flavored cookies…has the Oreo cookie craze gone too far?  Maybe a Cool Ranch Oreo will be hitting the shelves soon?!

Sonic Root Beer Float and Strawberry Shake Instant Pudding…if you don’t have a Sonic down the street, no worries…you can now bring the flavors of Sonic’s classic desserts into your own pantry and kitchen.  Does it taste like it came from Sonic?  We have no idea!  What we do know is there are 64 grams of added sugar in one box (which it says makes four servings).

Chicken Teriyaki Ice Cream…vanilla and Neapolitan ice creams are being replaced in the freezer section with varieties like Fruity Pebbles ice cream and, yes, chicken teriyaki ice cream!  This “delectable dessert” is infused with a sweet teriyaki sauce, pineapple, sweet onion, along with some garlic-glazed cashews.  In case you were wondering, there is no actual pineapple in the ingredients, and it is loaded with 500 mg of sodium and 28 grams of added sugar per serving (2/3 cup).

Lucky Charms Pancakes…just add water or milk to create a “delicious, fluffy, mouth-watering breakfast treat!”  Sure, a magically delicious kickstart to your day is an admirable ambition, but we don’t think these are the answer!  Not surprisingly, the ingredients leave A LOT to be desired and there are 16 grams of added sugar and 460 mg of sodium in three pancakes.

Fruity Pebbles Syrup…we evidently have Mrs. Butterworth to thank for this “vibrant and rich kitchen staple.”  I guess it would be the perfect topping for your Lucky Charms Pancakes?!  Or, maybe you could drizzle some on your Fruity Pebbles Ice Cream?!  But we have a question – where is the maple syrup?  The ingredients include HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP, CORN SYRUP, WATER, CONTAINS 2% OR LESS OF: CELLULOSE GUM, SALT, SODIUM HEXAMETAPHOSPHATE, SODIUM BENZOATE AND POTASSIUM SORBATE (PRESERVATIVES), CITRIC ACID, NATURAL AND ARTIFICIAL FLAVOR, RED 40, NATURAL FLAVOR, PHOSPHORIC ACID, MONO AND DIGLYCERIDES.  And 22 grams of added sugar in 2 Tbsp!  By the way, in case red isn’t your color, they have you covered with Cap’n Crunch Ocean Blue Syrup.

Simulate Chicken “NUGGS”…is it disturbing that their website says, “KILLS YOU SLOWER – higher in protein and lower in fat than animal-based nuggets.”  The company has been called the “Tesla of chicken nuggets” and made a flying chicken an internet sensation.  The magic formula?  WATER, SOYBEAN OIL, TEXTURED WHEAT PROTEIN, SOY PROTEIN CONCENTRATE, BREADCRUMBS, ENRICHED WHEAT FLOUR, CORN FLOUR, WHEAT PROTEIN ISOLATE, YEAST EXTRACT…and the list goes on.

PB&J Stuffed Peeps…the iconic marshmallows are now stuffed with your favorite flavors!  You can get them with a creamy Nutella or strawberry filling, or our personal favorite, peanut butter and jelly.  According to their website, they want everyone to be able to “express their Peepsonality!”  Just watch out for the 28 grams (7 tsp) of added sugar in just four cute little chicks.

Elf Pasta Kit…this was on clearance, so it must have been left over from the holidays (or hopefully they just can’t get anyone to buy it).  Yes, this kit has everything you need to recreate the infamous “Buddy the Elf Pasta.”  Simply warm up the pre-cooked pasta, and then drizzle with the maple syrup (shocker: it’s not real maple syrup).  Then add the chocolate chips, M&Ms, chocolate pop-tart pieces, marshmallows, caramel, and some chocolate sauce for good measure.  You don’t even want to know the added sugars in this one!  Maybe you could take it up a notch by adding some Fruity Pebbles Syrup and Unicorn Poop?!

Takis Mini Snack Bites…these are “hot chili pepper & lime seasoned bites with a cheezy imitation mozzarella filling.”  The ingredient list includes appetizing-sounding things like ENRICHED FLOUR, IMITATION MOZZARELLA CHEESE, DRIED CREAM CHEESE, IMITATION MONTERREY JACK CHEESE and REHYDRATED FAT FREE MOZZARELLA CHEESE (each with their own long list of ingredients – or should we say “substances”?).

Stuffed Pancake Everything…everyone is familiar with the Pancakes & Sausage on a Stick (you can even get blueberry pancakes, but in case you were wondering there are NO blueberries anywhere in the ingredients).  You can also now get all kinds of stuffed pancakes including Chocolate Stuffed Pancake Bites that are marketed as “fluffy outside, creamy inside.”  No nutrition here!  All kinds of highly processed ingredients including 23 grams of added sugar in five pancake bites.

Are you as surprised as we were at some of these edible food-like substances?

Confession time!

If you take a look at the calendar, you will see that April Fools’ Day is just a few short days away.  Are you now thinking we may have made these up in honor of April Fools’ Day?

You would be right, for SOME of them!  It is true…some of these are figments of our imagination, but many can actually be purchased at your local stores!

Which ones did we make up?

Doritos Flavored Oreos – although is it really that far-fetched given the other varieties of Oreos that are already available?!

Chicken Teriyaki Ice Cream…sorry if anyone got excited about this one…we made it up!

PB&J Stuffed Peeps – maybe we are just a year or two early on this one!

Elf Pasta Kit…were you cringing when you read about that one?!  We hope the food companies don’t read about that one and get the crazy idea to make it a reality!

And, now for the truth…these are actual products you can find at your local store!

These really exist!

Unicorn Poop

Sonic Root Beer Float and Strawberry Shake Instant Pudding

Lucky Charms Pancakes

Fruity Pebbles Syrup (and the Cap’n Crunch Ocean Blue Syrup is on the shelves too)

Simulate Chicken “NUGGS”

Takis Mini Snack Bites

Pancakes & Sausage on a Stick and Chocolate Stuffed Pancake Bites

It’s crazy these food-like substances are so readily available today on our grocery store shelves!

And, it is disturbing how these products are marketed to children, and marketed as the perfect food any time of the day.

What is the most outrageous product you have seen at the store recently?  You can even share your own picture in the comments!